I can tuck mytits in my pants
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize