i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
