My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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