I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
