you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
