I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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