I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
