i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
