Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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