we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
