Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
