i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize