Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
