if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
