Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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