I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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