Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry about my life...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
