My sheets look like a crime scene.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
