Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
