By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
