so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
