Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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