Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Congratulations! We have a period
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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