the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
