I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
