she kept yelling 'call me bella'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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