You're my little dorito
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
