idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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