oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
