I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
