Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
