Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
