he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
