he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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