Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
