I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
