I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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