i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
