What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
