I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
