Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
