five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize