Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
