youre lurking in front of me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
