she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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