Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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