we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
