I hate all girls vehemently.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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