I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
