I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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