I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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