New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
