ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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