I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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