I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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