she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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