I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
