I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
