I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Randomize
