I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i came on her dog
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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