Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
