I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize