I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
