What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
birth control should be required to get into college
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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