Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
