Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
