Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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