hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
