Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
