I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
