I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
MIDGETS
????
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
