420 ftw
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
