In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i drank out of a bidet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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