Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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