Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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