He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
