Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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