my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Randomize
