ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
