I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
