Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
