We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
