Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
