using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
