she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize