maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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