This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
