i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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