Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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