she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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