bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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