Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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