I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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