Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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