So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
