if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
