Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
