That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
