he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
