I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize