i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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