My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
