If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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