Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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