i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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