I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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