Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
