Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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