no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
